Boy meets Girl.
Boy meets girl’s father, father threatens to kill boy if he looks at
girl again. Girl tells father she’s going to movies with best friend but
sneaks off with boy to watch movies and have a generally good time.
Boy takes girl home to meet his mother. Mother is not impressed, girl is
dark and fat, she can’t cook, only eat, her son can do better. Girl is convinced Mother
hates her, boy is convinced mother loves her : )
2 Years later boy plucks up the courage to take his parents to girl’s
house. Mother makes nice fancy trays (just in case the girl’s parents
are rich), girl’s father is very agitated because he can’t watch the
cricket ( India vs Pakistan ). Boy’s family arrives, girl is all dressed
up in a sari and boy’s mother says “She looks just like Rani Mukherjee,
sooo pretty”. Girl’s parents are very happy, boys parents are also very
happy (note the contradiction from the initial meeting). They discuss
and wedding date is set for December (just because it’s the hottest time
of the year in Natal ). Boy’s mother wants to invite all her families and
half the neighborhood (because they all feel like Boy is also their
son), Girl’s mother also wants to invite all the families and the temple
group (because girl always helps when there is prayers). Fathers also
say they have to give everyone one plate food (they forgot about Chin
uncle, who eats 4 plates food) to celebrate their children’s’ wedding.
Then they set a date to go shopping for the wedding things.
Boy’s family must buy sari and jewels for girl and suit for boy. Only
the best (most expensive) sari will do, “because you know that Savi
aunty will come with one expensive banares”. Whole jewellery set
must be bought, earrings, necklace, nose ring and bangles – all in 24
carat gold. Boy must have nice kurta (like the one Hrithik wore in Khabi
khushi).
Make sure U book MTSS Hall (very big) and get that Muslim cook uncle
because he makes the best Soji.
Girl’s mother must have expensive sari. Sari from the India uncle
(because the shops are very expensive), boy’s mother must have one
better with mirror work blouse (just like the one Aishwarya wore to Iifa
Awards).
All aunts and uncles and cousins descend 10 days before the wedding – to
see what the bride is going to wear and make sure their daughter is
going to carry tray on the stage.
Nelengu takes place at home with all the aunties messing the bride like
it’s Holi celebrations. Everyone saying what a pretty bride she’ll make
(She’s thinking “If I don’t look like Kali trance with all the manja on
my face”).
Wedding eve:
Big party, granny was cooking the whole day because all
the family want to eat family specials. Girl gets all dressed up, the
mehdhi aunty arrives (one nice fat aunty from across the road).
Everyone is singing and dancing and enjoying while the girl sits still
for the mendhi aunty. Girl’s hands and feet are wrapped in plastic – to
keep from staining the bedsheets – and she goes to bed at 02h00.
Wedding Day: Girl wakes up 03h30 in the morning. The aunty who is doing
her hair has already arrived. Girl sits still for 3 hours while hair is
being pulled, pinned and her scalp is being torn off. Girl then puts on
R5000 sari from Memsaabs and R15000 jewellery from Naranda’s. Soo pretty
she looks, just like Kajol on her wedding day.
Then must drive from Gingingdlovu farm to Merebank (MTSS Hall), weddings
starts at 10h00 for 10h30 (it’s ok if girl arrives at 11h00). Boy is
waiting in the hall with mother, father, six brothers and 2 sisters from
10h00, because they live in Merebank. Boy is looking soo handsome
in Hrithik outfit and all his brothers are wearing just like Sharukh in
their Nehru suits.
Girl’s family arrives, couple walks down aisle to stage (pandal) at
11h30. Boy’s mother remembers, “Ayoo, we left the thaali in the house”.
Boy’s youngest brother runs to the car, sits inside, puts on loud rap
music – everyone in the hall can hear loud bass – starts the car goes to
the house to pick up thali.
Priest welcomes bridal couple and wedding starts. Aunty in the third row
telling her neighbour – “So dark girl, red sari they put for her”.
Neighbour says – “Ya, soo long they took my stomach is grumbling, I hope
they put enough salt in the food”
A very light-hearted look at Indian Weddings….. It is so entertaining
to be Indian J
